Being a Good-Enough Parent

Need a new holiday mantra? "Better Than Nothing"

Pretty soon, articles and social media posts will remind us that it’s time to “pick a word” — a motivating mantra — for 2024. 

I already have my parenting word picked out. Because it’s always the same word: Enough.

A quick story. Last week, I began to feel the pressure of Making Holiday Magic. (Phew! That holiday magic is a lot of invisible labor!) And then I thought about December 2018. Some medical challenges had shredded my make-the-holidays-magical to-do list. No decorating sugar cookies or wrapping up homemade caramels in wax paper squares. No sending out cards or visiting light displays.

Our Christmas Eve dinner consisted of a pot of spaghetti that a friend lovingly left on the doorstep. Another friend brought by a 1000-piece puzzle to keep the kids occupied while I navigated insurance calls and caught up on laundry. A sibling swooped in and made dozens of paper snowflakes with the kids to decorate the windows.

It wasn’t what I imagined. But it was (magically, mercifully) good enough.

Teaching Teens About “Better Than Nothing” 

A few weeks after that holiday season, I ran a workshop for high school juniors about time management. That’s a tough topic for 11th graders because the motto of junior year is Everything Counts for College. So we talked about two wonderful phrases: “better than nothing” and “good enough.” 

Sometimes you are going to hand in an English paper that is “good enough” and get some extra sleep, I told them, because that’s the best choice for the moment.

And as you structure your evening demands, sometimes you decide that 10 minutes of studying for your math quiz is “better than nothing.” 

I borrowed the latter phrase from the research of Laura Vanderkam — a mother of four, time management expert, and author of Off the Clock: Feel Less Busy While Getting More Done. She reminds her readers that “something is better than nothing” when it comes to building meaningful habits.

Want to get in more exercise? A quick walk around the block is better than nothing.

Wish you had more time to connect with friends? A social media exchange is better than nothing.

Want to reconnect with your teen after your fight this morning? That silly apology meme you texted them is better than nothing.

It’s easier to focus on ways we mess up than on the good we do.

In her book How to Be a Happier Parent, KJ Dell’Antonia also writes, “Humans are hardwired to focus on the negative. When we train our brains to notice and absorb everyday pleasures--the moments when we are safe and snug and warm with our families around us--we gain a deeper reservoir of joy to bolster us when things get rough.”

Safe and snug and warm? That’s definitely good enough, for any season of the year.

Cheers,

Deborah

Deborah Farmer Kris, Parenthood365.com

P.S. Picture Books Make Great Holiday Presents!

Maybe even one of mine? :)