Note: I’ve revised and re-upped this post from last October — since most of you weren’t subscribers then.
The first ghost story I ever read to my kids was “The Shivers,” one of Arnold Lobel’s Frog and Toad stories.
On a cold, windy night, Frog tells Toad a “true” tale about meeting Old Dark Frog. After it’s over, they sit by the fire, sipping tea and enjoying that “good, warm feeling” of shivering with a loved one.
This story taps into one reason why Halloween is an appealing holiday for many kids: Halloween allows them to safely — even cozily —explore one of life’s most uncomfortable emotions — fear.
Fear is a part of life. But it’s rarely an enjoyable part of life. At Halloween, kids and adults can “nudge nudge wink wink” at this vital human emotion, dipping into frights at their own comfort level and then enjoying the feeling of strength that comes from facing fears.
Maybe your kids carve a spooky pumpkin, decorate the yard with skeletons or ghosts, or watch a Halloween-themed show that evokes shivers while snuggling with popcorn and hot cocoa.
Halloween reminds me of why kids are drawn to fairy tales, including (or, for my kids, especially) the darker tales. All those neglected kids who are thrust into woods, left alone to face the world’s witches and wolves. These stories are a safe — even fun! — perch for peering into scary and confusing elements of the world: loss, death, and people hurting other people. And yet, in the end, there is almost always a solution. There is always a way through.
At Halloween, kids and adults can “nudge nudge wink wink” at this necessary human emotion, dipping into frights at their own comfort level and then enjoying the feeling of strength that comes from facing fears.
So how do we help kids when fears don’t feel so fun and festive?
In honor of the Halloween season, here’s a piece I wrote for The Washington Post a few years ago. It’s about Bob the Fly and the power of helping kids name their fears.
From the article:
So much of my parenting comes down to some version of Bob the Fly: First, you name it. Name the emotion. Name the fear. If we can name it, we can talk about it. Or as Fred Rogers said, “Anything that’s human is mentionable, and anything that is mentionable can be more manageable. When we can talk about our feelings, they become less overwhelming, less upsetting and less scary.”
Warmly,
Deborah Farmer Kris
P.S. Last weekend, we watched our family’s sentimental favorite Halloween show: Curious George’s Halloween Boo Fest. This story features the tale of “No Noggin” — a less terrifying version of the headless horseman. Your local PBS station will likely be playing it multiple times this month!