I’ve always been fascinated by the Greek tale of Orpheus and Eurydice.
In brief: Orpheus, a dazzling musician, falls in love with Eurydice. On their wedding day, she is bitten by a rattlesnake and dies. He cannot accept this. So he travels to the Underworld. There, he sings a love song so achingly lovely that Hades and Persephone agree to let Eurydice go. On one condition: she will travel behind him, and Orpheus must not look back until they both reach the surface. Just as they are approaching the light of the living world, Orpheus — plagued by doubt — takes one backward glance. And sees her. And loses her. Again.
I read multiple versions of this story as a kid. Each time, part of me hoped that this time would be different.
Last week, I took my oldest on a birthday trip to NYC — and when mother nature ruined our plans for Shakespeare in the Park, we got last-minute tickets to Hadestown, the Tony-award-winning musical. I knew it was a modern-ish retelling of Orpheus and Eurydice. But that’s all I knew.
The play lays several allegories on top of this tragic love story. It’s the same tale but not the same. And so, can you blame me that — as Eudyice follows Orpheus through the darkness — can you blame me that for one moment I thought, perhaps, the playwrights would change the ending? That the audience wouldn’t collectively gasp when he . . . turns around?
I was already crying before Hermes sang a song that put to words why I love this story — and why I will keep reading and sharing with my kids’ exquisite stories that don’t have simple happy endings:
It's an old tale from way back when…
And that is how it ends
It's a sad song…
But we sing it anyway
'Cause here’s the thing
To know how it ends
And still begin to sing it again
As if it might turn out this time
I learned that from a friend of mine…
(Do yourself a favor and watch this version of the song — it captures the pain and the hope and the love that makes this story so compelling):
Kids don’t want all stories to have happy endings. Many, sure! But it doesn’t feel right for every tale to be happily ever after. I mean, sure Charlotte and Wilbur could live in that barn together forever (in Farmville Fantasyland). But if E.B. White had made that choice, generations of kids would have lost access to words like this:
We're born, we live a little while, we die. A spider's life can't help being something of a mess, with all this trapping and eating flies. By helping you, perhaps I was trying to lift up my life a trifle. Heaven knows anyone's life can stand a little of that.
It’s not that we want children to have a steady diet of tragedy. Shakespeare knew that comedy, history, and tragedy all had their visceral appeal. We need to laugh. But kids also need our help making sense of the senseless.
While it’s not a phrase I’d use with children, I think even young ones instinctively get the truth of this quote from Dr. Susan David: “Life’s beauty is inseparable from its fragility.” The seasons change. Beloved pets die. A friend moves away. A sibling gets sick. Parents separate. These are hard, real things.
After speaking of struggles in her life, my favorite poet, Mary Oliver, once said, “I got saved by the beauty of the world.” The beauty of art, of music, of nature, of ancient myths told anew.
We almost didn’t see Hadestown. After the rain spoiled our Shakespeare plans, I gave my 12yo a choice between Hadestown and the new musical of Back to the Future. As we walked to our hotel late that night, my kid said, “I almost didn’t pick that show because Back to the Future seemed safer. Hadestown was so sad but so beautiful. I’m really glad we went.”
Orpheus and Eurydice is a sad tale. And a beautiful tale. As the final song in the play goes: “Some birds sing when the sun shines bright. Our praise is not for them. But the ones who sing in the dead of night: We raise our cups to them.”
To all the caregivers out there “singing anyway” for their kids, even when things (or because) things are tough, I raise my cup to you.
Cheers,
Deborah
P.S. Also, if you’ve never taken your kid to a play or musical, this is your official inspiration!
Deborah Farmer Kris * www.parenthood365.com