Yay, Oops, Blah
And other ways to open up conversation with kids
Recently I asked a group of middle schoolers: “What do you say when a parent ask, 'How was your day?’”
In unison, they responded: “Fine.”
When I asked why, their answers fell into two basic categories:
Wrong Time: I’m tired after school and don’t want to be grilled the second I get home. Some kids are afternoon talkers and some aren’t. Sometimes a more relaxed, authentic conversation happens while making dinner together, or walking the dog, or while sitting on their bed for a few minutes at night.
Wrong Question: I mean, a lot happens in a day. Right? Each day is an amalgam of ups, downs, worries, wonderings, and small joys. Sometimes it’s easier to just say, “Fine.”
I recently spoke to the National PTA Podcast about an alternative that was incredibly helpful when my kids were young — and that has created a framework for communication that we still use: sharing a Yay, an Opps, and a Blah.
As I wrote in The Washington Post a while back:
Over the years, this language of yay, oops and blah has evolved and become part of the fabric of our family. Often, it’s one of the kids who starts the conversation in the car or over dinner. “Did anybody have an oops today?” my 6-year-old son might ask; “Who wants to hear my yay from music class?”; or “Ugh, I had such a blah at recess today.”
This month, we were halfway to school when my daughter realized she didn’t have her backpack in the car — the backpack filled with the homemade Valentines she had spent hours crafting. Turning around meant she would be late for school, and I would be late for a meeting at work.
I turned the car around.
After a moment of silence, she said, “Well, I guess this is my oops for today. But hey, no one in the car is freaking out, so at least it’s not a blah!”
Every once in a while, one of the kids will call me back to their room after lights-out and ask, “Hey, Mom, did you have any blahs today?” And I know it’s code for, “I can’t sleep. I need to tell you something that happened today … but you go first.” So I share, and then they share, and it helps quiet that inner chatter. And if it was one of those days when the blahs really outweigh the yays, I might whisper, “Wow, it sounds like you had a really human day.
Speaking of “Human Days"
Congrats to Carla Naumberg on her release today of “You Are Not a Sh*tty Parent: How to Practice Self-Compassion and Give Yourself a Break.” (My favorite chapter title is #7: You Are Not a Monster. Parenting is Hard.)
I’ll have a chance to talk to Carla at an event at Aesop’s Fable Bookstore in Holliston, MA on October 6 at 6pm.
If you are local, join us for some parenting self-care! If you aren’t, we’ll be live-streaming on Instagram. Follow Aesop’s at https://www.instagram.com/aesops01746/
New Publication Date!
Wonder of wonders my fourth picture book — “You Are Growing All the Time” —arrived at the publisher EARLY. So we decided to move the publication date up a couple of weeks.
This might be my favorite of the bunch, because it celebrates all the ways kids are “growing on the inside.” That’s a phrase from Fred Rogers, to whom the book is dedicated. So I was incredibly grateful to get this kind review from Angela Santomero, creator of Daniel Tiger’s Neighborhood:
“You Are Growing All the Time is such a celebration of children—Fred Rogers would be so proud! Through Deborah Farmer Kris’s loving and playful words, kids and parents will be celebrating life’s small moments with BIG results of empowerment, kindness, and a sense of self-worth.”
You can order through Amazon or get a signed copy from my favorite indie.
Finally…
If you want to tune in to a presentation on Helping Kids Build an Emotional Vocabulary, you are welcome to join me on Thursday, September 29 via Zoom. 5:30 PT/8:30 ET
REAL-TIME SPANISH TRANSLATION IS AVAILABLE!
Cheers,
Deborah
www.parenthood365.com